22

Well for anyone who cares.. My name is Amanda I’m just about to be 22 years old and yes I’m a cancer. I have a dad who is selfish with his golf games and doesn’t know how to have a civil conversation, a mom who will sit I from of a slot machine for hours every weekend, and lastly a brother who never pays me back and complains about the house being dirty when he doesn’t budge to clean. My hobbies include bodybuilding, baking,crafts, and the popluar Nextflix.. And no I don’t “Netflix and chill” I just Netflix for hours. I’ve got a few negatives to me, I’m co-dependent, I have anxiety and I’m probably bipolar but I haven’t got that checked out yet. I’m writing here today because this past year I was in the darkest spot of my life so far, also I had someone tell me it’s help me out. I’m trying to methods out to help myself cope with myself and everything that’s happened around me. I’m going to try to be as free as I can with my blog entries. I’m needing more love and support in my life, I’m trying to better my thoughts and created what I visualize in my mind. The past year and a half have been a wild ride and I’m just ready to let go of someone who effected my life in such a negative way. Yes, I dated a older man who when I first met was the sweetest that could be. He had one down side to him, he was and still is a alcoholic. I didn’t realize how his actions affected me until I started treating family and friends the same exact was I was treated in such a degrading way. From what I’ve learned alcoholics are good at telling lies/ will make you believe something when their doing the opposite, getting what they want, and being very manipulative to their lovers/friends/family’s minds and they will find anyway to make you feel bad about your feelings or what you’ve done just to make themselves feel better. I cannot believe what I’ve gone through and how much I’ve been affected by ones actions, not saying he was horrible.. He’s just sick in the head from such a nasty addiction and the hardest thing I’ve had to see was finding and watching someone I once loved hammered saying he’d kill himself. I’m ready to let go, I’ll always have love but I cannot and will not continue to feel like I’m not worth anything. I’m ready to stand up and take control over my thoughts and life. I’ve also loved my first boyfriend at the same time he’s been understanding about everything. I’m hurting but I’m happy to be here and have new friends be supportive of this. I’m learning to talk about it, write about it and read positive/realistic books and quotes on healing. I’m soon to be 22.

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